Comments on: Raising Children in a Consensual Environment Part II: Day-to-Day Life

By: yermama

yermama — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 15:34:45 +0000

"I am certainly not an expert on the specifics of child development!"
But I hope you have availed yourself of some information about child development? Because at some points, it's overly optimistic to expect kids to be making wise choices or learn from the results of their choices – the brain development simply does not exist yet. In fact recent studies – and not just MUM studies – suggest that full reasoning brain development is not established in human physiology until the mid-20's.

I agree with Ron: "The main point seems to just be giving a degree of respect to the children that is otherwise lacking in the stereotypical American parenting standards." I was raised in an authoritarian household. My daughter is being raised quite differently, but there have always been age–appropriate boundaries which are "enforced" with loving reasoning.

Bottom line is each family does what works best for them, and I'm delighted that your children seem to respond well to your thinking.

By: Lyricd

Lyricd — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 07:00:23 +0000

I don't understand how children can control themselves better than most Americans. I think most people, presented with unlimited ice cream, cookies, movies, a computer, and no penalties for failing to show up for school or work would find it extremely difficult to pry themselves off the couch.

By: Ron Khare

Ron Khare — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:59:05 +0000

Well, touche. That's a good point.

By: Jen Green

Jen Green — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:42:23 +0000

Well, it’s easy to say, “I don’t like labels,” but let’s be honest. Labels are EVERYWHERE: Liberal, Conservative, Vegetarian, Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, Meditator, etc. It’s how we find like-minded people who share our same philosophies.

If you browse the Parenting section of Barnes and Nobel, you can see that there are dozens of different parenting styles. If I’m looking for parenting advice or help, I’m going to search out someone who has similar philosophies, thus where labeling becomes helpful. Because of the way I define my parenting style, I’m probably going to search out a book by Dr. Sears, whose philosophies are more in line with mine, as opposed to say Michael Pearl, who advocates spanking and training your children to be submissive, because he is not in line with my parenting philosophy.

I think labels become detrimental when they’re applied as a sweeping generalization of a person. If used that way, they can be dismissive of a person’s multi-faceted complexity, and pigeon-hole said person to being nothing more than whatever label has been applied. But, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with labeling yourself or your philosophies in order to search out like-minded people for advice or comradery.

By: Ron Khare

Ron Khare — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 06:09:34 +0000

My problem is that I simply don't see the need for a label. "Consensual Parenting," from what I gather, is more or less like every other form of parenting out there – it's basically a free-for-all, based on what each set of parents do in any given situation.
The main point seems to just be giving a degree of respect to the children that is otherwise lacking in the stereotypical American parenting standards.

By: Will Merydith

Will Merydith — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 20:27:23 +0000

Why do these parenting conversations gravitate to black and white perspectives? I assume Jen is not saying that she let's her children make all their own decisions, and I assume the other side of the coin is not saying that parents should make ALL decisions for their children. To me both ends represent unhealthy extremes. There's obviously (to me) a balance between decisions you make for a 5yr old, and decisions you let them make.