[Section taken from the book  "The Sharp Knife of Forced Simplicity, Volume 1: The Numinous Rebellion"]

Long fingernails freak me out. I don’t mean in any sort of alarmist way, rather, just a sort of… hesitancy. I’m afraid I’m going to get scratched.

I mean, look at those things! They’re not nails, they’re talons! Sharp-edged weapons on the end of every finger… and I’m supposed to let those claws near my soft bits? I don’t think so, lady.

Painting them doesn’t help. It just draws attention to the tiny biological swords aimed at my vitals, a big old neon warning sign. I understand that long fingernails are considered €œpretty€ by their owners and perhaps other people with long fingernails so they can all gather around in mutual appreciation and back scratches. The rest of us live under the thin, glossy sheen of finger-related violence.

I don’t really get the purpose of them, beyond having some pretty thing to look at. They break seemingly all the time (from the perspective of one who has never had them). They get in the way, effectively preventing you from typing, punching, and playing the guitar (at least on one hand). And when do you cover them with paint, it just chips off soon thereafter, leaving a strange blotch of color on each one.

In conclusion, long fingernails are the source of misery, pain, and suffering not just for the owner, but all those flayed in the process of interaction.

[Ron Khare is a local author, blogger and newbie gardener. You learn more about his book at ForcedSimplicity.com]